I guess I’m just going to go cry myself to sleep again, goodnight.
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My hips fucking hurt.
I guess I’m not going to my dads again this weekend.
Maybe I’ll get to do something I really want to do though.
Hopefully..
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Code Name: Indianapolis
You’re so fucking annoying, Jesus fucking Christ. Go away ~ Stop showing up in my news feed.
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I just care too much sometimes,
in all honesty I just don’t want anything to happen to you. I know to you it may not seem like that big of a deal, but it is to me. I don’t want you to start puking, or do something dumb.. I just don’t want you passing out on me, I just want to cuddle up with you in bed and sleep. Is that okay?
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Really,
I miss riding every week. It’s not even every other week now, I’m lucky if it’s a once a month thing ever since the separation and the move. It really sometimes hurts, and to be honest last time I went to the barn I was crying, I was so happy. I honestly don’t think any of you understand how in love I am with horses, and riding them.
Riding isn’t easy. It takes determination, motivation, passion, and years of practice. Whenever I have a lesson I push myself to do better than I did my last ride. I absorb whatever my trainer tells me, and keep it stored away in the back of my head so I can remember what to do next time I ride.
I miss the smell of the barn, I miss tacking up, I miss sticking my hands under the horses armpits after a cold winter ride, I miss hosing down the horses after a hot summer ride and getting soaked, I miss trail riding, I miss getting ready for shows, I miss jumping, and giving the horses baths then watching them roll in the dirt right after, I miss their ears, and their eyes, and their personalities, and colors, and I miss everything else.
I just want it all back. I want to be able to ride every week again. I want to be able to do what I love, do what makes me happy. I feel at peace when I ride, and nothing will ever change that. Even when I’m getting frustrated with the horse I’m on, it doesn’t matter, because I love it. I love it with everything I am, and I wouldn’t give it up for a second.
8 years and counting.
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You’re a slut and a fucking half.
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